Robert Llewellyn
Edited by Brian Dunning
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 Americans
know him as the host of TLC's Junkyard
Wars (aka Scrapheap Challenge), and the rest
of the world know him as Kryten, the neurotic android aboard
the Red
Dwarf. He prefers playing Kryten, since Junkyard
Wars requires him to spend about 2 hours each day covering
his naturally faceted countenance with latex and false stubble
to give the rounder, more humanlike appearance as seen on Junkyard
Wars.
 After
kick-starting himself as a member of a comedy troupe called
The Joeys, Robert penned a number of BBC comedy shows and
theater pieces. He's also written several novels that are
inching their way toward film production, including The
Man on Platform 5 and Punchbag.
To learn more about Robert, have a look at his autobiographical
memoirs of a misspent youth, Thin
He Was and Filthy-Haired. But he was never so filthy
as when he answered our 1000 Questions:
0001. In all of history, what is your favorite invention?
Waterproof shoes.
0010. What do you hope will be invented next?
Waterproof laptops.
0011. What do you hope will never be invented?
An all seeing, all consuming mind controlling computer
which uses human beings as its power source, running Windows
98.
0100. What popular invention do you consider the most
ridiculous?
Penis enlargement pumps.
0101. If marooned on a desert island, what three technological
devices would you bring with you, and why?
 A
JCB JS460 Tracked Excavator, fantastic machine. Basically
a very big digger, it's powerful with a 6 cylinder turbocharged
and intercooled engine developing 305hp, the bucket can
tear about a ton and a half of solid rock in one scoop.
If nothing else, you could re-shape your island. I'd also
like a pair of waterproof shoes and a laptop.
0110. When have you suffered at the hands of technology?
When I wired up a water pump incorrectly and put my hands
on it, underwater. I got that zzt zzt sensation in a fairly
powerful way.
0111. When has some technology suffered at your hands?
I have pounded an old Apple keyboard to a form of plastic
aggregate when the stupid thing wouldn't stop printing
j's. jjjjjjj for page after page.
1000. If you had to revert and freeze the world's technology
at a
particular time in history, what year would you choose and
why?
In about 1740, when the canal system in the UK was at
its height. I'd like all other forms of technology to develop;
medicine, airplanes, space travel, computers; just not
cars and trains. Canals are very peaceful ways of moving
things, and even with ten lane super canals, I think less
environmentally damaging.
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