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1000 Questions asks eight earth-shattering technology questions of today's most compelling personalities.

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Neal Pollack
Edited by Brian Dunning

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If you haven't heard of the "Greatest Living American Writer" Neal Pollack, you've probably been involved in a mine accident for the past few years; and even if you have, you probably still have no idea who the heck he really is, or what all the noise is about, or what's the deal with the naked pictures, outrageous books, loud music, heartfelt poetry, and the impressive photo shown here.

And you probably won't find those answers if you read his books; specifically The Neal Pollack Anthology of American Literature, Beneath the Axis of Evil: One Man's Journey into the Horrors of War, and thousands of other loose pages that have been lost in the sands of time -- or cracks in the floorboards -- or somewhere.

But you will find those answers, and many more, as Neal Pollack now responds to our 1000 Questions:

0001. In all of history, what is your favorite invention?

Without question, the Internet. It has codified the true destiny of humankind: Wasting time. Honestly, it's hard for me to imagine life before the Internet. It encompasses everything I love: Music, sports, sex, um, reading. I've made thousands of acquaintances from all over the world. And never have to leave the house.

0010. What do you hope will be invented next?

Maybe something that will stop me from sweating so damn much. I've ruined a lot of shirts.

0011. What do you hope will never be invented?

I don't know. Something about golf. I hate golf inventions. Or a comprehensive computerized information system that will track the whereabouts of all people at all times, thereby aiding us in our war on "terror." I hope no one invents that.

0100. What popular invention do you consider the most ridiculous?

That thing that wrings out your bathing suit at the gym.

0101. When have you suffered at the hands of technology?

Well, my computer freezes. And sometimes I have trouble with the digital cable. And one time my toaster short-circuited. But I wouldn't necessarily call that suffering.

0110. When has some technology suffered at your hands?

I dropped my poor computer once at the Philadelphia airport while going through security.

0111. If your personal computer suddenly came to life, what would it say to you?

My goodness! People send you so many sexy pictures of themselves!

1000. If you found yourself sitting at a Unix terminal as Earth's last hope while, outside, aliens were wiping out humanity, what would you type?

I can't believe I ate the whole thing!

Neal Pollack

Visit Neal Pollack's web page.

1000 More Questions:

Kari Byron
Mythbuster

Robert X. Cringely
Tech industry observer

Margaret Easley
Actress

Susan Egan
Broadway, Film, and TV star

Robert Goerman
Paranormal investigator

Grant Imahara
Mythbuster

Anne Kerry Ford
Singer and actress

Robert Llewellyn
Actor, Writer

Holly McPeak
Pro beach volleyball player

Ted Nugent
Rock legend

Neal Pollack
Author

James Randi
Pseudoscientific demystifier

Lisa Richard
Tech exec turned singer

Michael Shermer
Publisher, Skeptic Magazine