Neal Pollack
Edited by Brian Dunning
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If you haven't heard of the "Greatest Living American
Writer" Neal Pollack, you've probably been involved
in a mine accident for the past few years; and even if you
have, you probably still have no idea who the heck he really
is, or what all the noise is about, or what's the deal with
the naked pictures, outrageous books, loud music, heartfelt
poetry, and the impressive photo shown here.
And you probably won't find those answers if you read his
books; specifically The
Neal Pollack Anthology of American Literature, Beneath
the Axis of Evil: One Man's Journey into the Horrors of War,
and thousands of other loose pages that have been lost in
the sands of time -- or cracks in the floorboards -- or somewhere.
But you will find those answers, and many more, as
Neal Pollack now responds to our 1000 Questions:
0001. In all of history, what is your favorite invention?
Without question, the Internet. It has codified the true
destiny of humankind: Wasting time. Honestly, it's hard
for me to imagine life before the Internet. It encompasses
everything I love: Music, sports, sex, um, reading. I've
made thousands of acquaintances from all over the world.
And never have to leave the house.
0010. What do you hope will be invented next?
Maybe something that will stop me from sweating so damn
much. I've ruined a lot of shirts.
0011. What do you hope will never be invented?
I don't know. Something about golf. I hate golf inventions.
Or a comprehensive computerized information system that
will track the whereabouts of all people at all times,
thereby aiding us in our war on "terror." I hope
no one invents that.
0100. What popular invention do you consider the most
ridiculous?
That thing that wrings out your bathing suit at the gym.
0101. When have you suffered at the hands of technology?
Well, my computer freezes. And sometimes I have trouble
with the digital cable. And one time my toaster short-circuited.
But I wouldn't necessarily call that suffering.
0110. When has some technology suffered at your hands?
I dropped my poor computer once at the Philadelphia airport
while going through security.
0111. If your personal computer suddenly came to life,
what would it say to you?
My goodness! People send you so many sexy pictures of
themselves!
1000. If you found yourself sitting at a Unix terminal
as Earth's last hope while, outside, aliens were wiping
out humanity, what would you type?
I can't believe I ate the whole thing!
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